Marriage Coach

Marriage coaching or marriage counseling? That is a critical question that married couples should ask when they want to improve the quality of their marriage. Up until recently, the only choices were counselor/therapist or pastor. Due to a massive increase in knowledge in the field of psychology and the understanding of human nature, a new positive alternative is available. Marriage coaches now offer fast, results-oriented solutions couples should consider.

For simplicity, this article will focus on the key differences between coaches and counselors/therapists, and not address the unique alternative religious pastors offer. Counselors and therapists are grouped since their practices are similar.

The State of the Marriage Help Industry

No one knows the exact divorce rate. For decades, we’ve heard that the divorce rate is 50%. We also hear that the number of marriages and divorces are lowering. Most States report their marriage and divorce figures to the CDC, Center for Disease Control. One problem is that 5 to 8 States do not report their data, including California and Illinois. The 50% figure was largely determined because there are usually around two million marriages and one million divorces reported in any given year. Fifty percent.

What we can figure out, with the information we have, is that first-time divorces are probably around 40% to 50%. Second-time divorces are around 60%, and third-time divorces are around 70%. We also know from studies that 40% of married couples report as being unhappily married.

That is a lot of couples unhappy and getting divorced - with traditional help.

When the divorce boom hit in the 1970s when no-fault divorce became law in most States, counselors did not have the proper education to handle marital troubles. It wasn’t until after the divorce boom did some counselors focus on just marriage issues. There are several reasons for the high divorce rate besides the lack of knowledge of the typical counselor. I’ll cover those in another article.

The status quo of married couples automatically choosing marriage counselors has not been successful. No one can claim a 40% to 50% divorce and a 40% unhappy rate as a success.

Marriage Coach

New and Serious Research in Human Behavior

When problems arise, answers are sought. With the high divorce rate hitting its peak in the early 1980s, new kinds of research began. Discoveries about the human mind, human behaviors, success, and achievement were plentiful and gave rise to new industries. Life and business coaches became popular buzz terms.

Serious research started on human relationships and marriage. Folks like Dr. John Gottman, Dr. John Gray, and Dr. Willard Harley Jr. started making serious progress in what makes a marriage work and what makes a marriage fail.

Popular books at the time that are still popular today include:

See you at the top
Your Erroneous Zones
What to say when you talk to yourself
7 Habits
Unlimited Power

Marriage Coaches vs Counselors

Today, married couples have a real choice. A couple desiring more love, passion, and affection in their marriage doesn’t have to settle for what has been the only alternative.

Couples today need to understand their choices.

When I refer to a coach or a counselor, I refer to the traditional model they have followed. In no way am I trying to say that one side is right and the other is wrong. It is not a good versus bad scenario. Today, marriage professionals are forming unique blends of services where counselors offer coaching services and vice versa. Couples need to decide for themselves which model is best for their situation.

9 Key Differences Between Coaches and Counselors

Criteria

Coach

Counselor

1

Low-cost service offering

YES, most offer online courses ($200-$900) in addition to personal one-on-one coaching

NO, only offer costly one-on-one services ($1,000 to $9,000 or more)

2

Phone or video service available

YES, most offer phone/video services in addition to in-office services

NO, most offer in-office services only

3

Focus on past events or desired future

DESIRED FUTURE - Focus is on where you are now and how to get where you want to be

PAST EVENTS - Focus is on what happened in the past to bring you where you are now

4

Focus on problems or solutions

SOLUTIONS - how to get what you want

PROBLEMS - what is wrong and how to feel about the problems

5

Time to resolve issues

SHORT time frame - 1 to 3 months - Coaches usually define a specific time frame for services.

LONG time frame - 6 to 18 months - no deadline for services

6

Educational

YES, coaches provide educational materials to coach you

NO, counselors just lead you to discover info on your own

7

Personality disorders

NO, not recommended

YES, perfect choice

8

Mental health issues

NO, not recommended

YES, perfect choice

9

Goal oriented?

YES - Coaches design programs to reach a specific goal in a specific amount of time.

NO - services are open ended and usually finish when the client cannot pay any longer or feels satisfied with the services

Conclusion

Marriage coaching offers real help to couples. Because of the rise of marriage coaches, you don’t have to sit in a leather-clad office, for 6-18 months, and talk about your feelings or sit there while your partner bashes you about every little thing you’ve done.

That can be considered the old way of doing things.

Today, marriage coaching offers a new and improved approach that is comprehensive, holistic, and sustainable. 


If you like the idea of a goal oriented, short time period program, designed to give you a big improvement fast, schedule your free 45-minute call today!


Are You Ready to Start?

Once you determine that marriage coaching is best for you, and you are ready to invest in yourself and your marriage, I invite you to a free 45-minute strategy session Q&A call. This call is designed to help you understand the situation better, provide value to you, and see if my services may be right for you. 

About the author

Mark Jala is a certified marriage coach, researcher, and consumer advocate. Certified in Strategic Interventions, Mark bases all of his services and advice on verifiable research. With nearly 40 years of problem solving experience, Mark has developed a holistic approach to marriage coaching which provides a context and execution plan not seen in ordinary marriage services.

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