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Quitting porn is not a mystery. It is not complex. Yet, so many men become frustrated and feel hopeless when their attempts to quit fail. In this article, I'll introduce what is the key reasons so many men have a hard time stopping their porn watching compulsion, and how to quit - permanently.

Quitting Porn is Not a Mystery

Men will try cold turkey, counseling, 12-step programs, church programs, web filters, and a variety of other programs. While these can help a man to quit porn, we know the vast majority of men only see short-term results at best. The porn watching inevitably starts again, and again.

To understand why, we need to first review some porn facts

  • Watching porn creates strong brain neural pathways that compel men to watch more porn. The more that is watched, the greater the desire to see more.
  • Strong brain chemicals like Oxytocin, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Vassopressin, Testosterone, and Serotonin "burn in" memories for more rapid trigger responses.
  • Porn is actually a compulsion, not an addiction. A compulsion is a strong irresistable impulse to do something against your will. 
  • Since it is a compulsion, one cannot "think" about changing the habit once a trigger or urge starts. Any successful program to quit porn MUST reject porn before an urge or trigger reaches conscious thoughts.
  • Porn ruins marriages, reduces intimacy, emotionally harms the wife, damages the marriage relationship, and can cause ED in men. 

Get All the Facts

Above are just some highlights you need to know about porn. Get all the details you need to know with my special report.

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Porn is NOT the problem

The number one reason most programs to quit porn fail is because they look at porn as the problem. Porn is what I call a "surface issue." The real problem lies underneath.

Consider what you do when you wake up in the morning with a headache. You probably go to the medicine cabinet and take an Exedrin, Advil, Tylenol, Bayer, or some other form of pain reliever. 

If you have a high blood pressure or cholesterol condition, you probably take a pill every day.

If you play tennis, you may one day get tennis elbow. When most players get tennis elbow, they take an Ibuprofen and put a strap around the muscle just below the elbow, and take more Ibuprofen when they finish playing tennis.

Do any of these actions (programs) resolve the real problem? No! What caused the headache? What caused the high blood pressure or high cholesterol? What caused the tennis elbow?

All of these are just symptoms (surface issues) of a deeper problem. 

That's what most programs designed to help men quit porn do - they treat the symptom, but never resolve the underlying problems. Until the underlying problems are resolved, the symptom will reappear.

You MUST Resolve the Core Problem(s)

If you are surprised to hear that porn is not the core problem, you are not alone. From my research, this is the number one reason many men get frustrated and ultimately feel hopeless when trying to quit porn.

If porn is not the problem, what is?

There are several categories that the core problems can fall into. I find these two are usually part of the culprit.

Your 13 Personal Needs

One or more of your needs are not met, and watching porn fulfills those needs. 

When I ask people to tell me their personal needs, most come up with two, three, or maybe four different needs. That barely scratches the surface of your true needs. 


There are actually 13 personal needs. If you don't know what they are, you can't explain what you need or know with certainty what will make you abundantly happy!


Imagine knowing exactly what you need, how to explain it to your partner, and have a long list of ways your partner can fulfill your needs. That is a core part in all of my coaching programs.

Conflicts in Your Identity

True Identity

At first this may sound like psychobabble to you. I understand. Many people have a hard time grasping this concept. If you are not a student of life coaching or personal development, this may be a new concept.

To put it simply, I'm referring to conflicts in your values and beliefs about yourself. Here's a quick exercise. How would you answer the question "Who Are You?

It is important to have a good understanding who you are and what you believe about yourself. When I ask a married man who watches porn this question, I'll get a few responses. Often they include statements like they are a loving husband, caring, loyal, and live a life with integrity.

Those are wonderful answers, but then I have to ask them if they are loving and loyal to their wife when they hurt their wife emotionally when they pleasure themselves watching other naked women? This new understanding about themselves reveals internal conflicts.

That is just one sample of the many conflicts a man can have. These conflicts are part of the real problems that must be resolved. These conflicts cause stress and anxiety. When these conflicts are resolved, he can experience a relief and internal peace that only comes when these burdens are removed, and he lives a life that is true to himself.


When the real problems causing the porn habit are resolved, porn CANNOT come back! It does not serve him any longer.


Subconscious Rejection

Now that we know some facts about porn, why so many popular programs fail, and what can be the real problems, we can now look at the solution - how to quit porn permanently.

Quitting porn is NOT a mystery.

The program I am about to explain is not new. It's been around for decades. 

The technique is popular with those familiar with life coaching and personal development.

I call my variation of the technique "Subconscious Rejection." It is based on a time-proven method already used for many *decades* to help countless people with addictions, compulsions, phobias, and many other issues. It is used to help already successful business managers and executives maximize their effectivess at work and achieve balance with a loving personal life.

It is a 6-step program that works on the very core of the individual. Since a compulsion cannot be resolved by thinking about changing a habit after the urge or trigger happens, we have to address the core beliefs and values of the person.

Here's an example. Suppose that you go to a large party hosted by a friend. There are lots of people around. Your friend sees you, taps you on the shoulder and guides you to a nearby table and chairs. He invites you to sit down. In front of you are two lines of cocaine drawn on the table, and he invites you to take it in. What do you do?

Most people would reject it and politely indicate it's not for them. Why? Why would most people reject that when it is right there in front of them and readily available for the taking?

Here's why - They reject it because it is not who they are. Period.

There are many other examples I can give. The point is, this time-proven technique works at the subconscious level to help you reject porn even when it is readily available. 

My Subconscious Rejection program conditions your mind and body to reject porn as something that is not who you are as a person.

It Requires a Trained Specialist

Like many services we get throughout our lives, this method requires a trained specialist to perform the six steps. 

  • If you break a bone, do you try to set it yourself or do you go to a doctor?
  • If your home AC goes out, do you replace the unit or get a trained specialist?
  • If your check engine light turns on, do you fix it yourself or get a car mechanic?

Like many common services you already get, this is no different.

Unfortunately, investing in yourself or your marriage with marriage coaching is somehow looked upon as unnecesssary or something everyone should instictually know how to do.

This might be an explanation why the divorce rate has been stuck between 45% and 50% for several DECADES. It might also explain why 56% of divorces site porn as a major reason - for DECADES. 

This is not something you can do by yourself. It does take an independent 3rd party with special training. I offer my services to help you, your partner, and your marriage.

Meet Your Coach

I'll let my published bio explain how and why I'm the right trained specialist to help you:

Mark Jala is a certified marriage coach with nearly 40 years of problem-solving experience. Certified in Strategic Interventions, Mark finds that marriage issues, whether porn, defensiveness, finances, communications, or sex, are “surface” issues. Mark finds that the only way to resolve marriage issues for long-term success is to discover and resolve the core problems. Mark, with his Strategic Interventions training and vast experience, transforms marriages filled with anger and frustration to marriages abundantly filled with affection, trust, and security.

An Invitation to Talk

When you are ready to take action, quit porn permanently, and rebuild your marriage, I invite you to a free 45-minute call. On this call we'll discuss your situation and determine if or which of my services are right for you.

Don't let porn continue to cause conflict in yourself and your marriage. Learn how you can Break Free From Porn today. 

Imagine, in 90 days, you can be free from porn. Your marriage is once again full of trust and security. Your partner is healing and thriving. The frustration and anger is gone. It is replaced with real intimacy and connection. Yes, it takes work. I believe in my clients and provide a 100% judgement free and confidential environment.  

Let's talk!

About the author

Mark Jala is a certified marriage coach, researcher, and consumer advocate. Certified in Strategic Interventions, Mark bases all of his services and advice on verifiable research. With nearly 40 years of problem solving experience, Mark has developed a holistic approach to marriage coaching which provides a context and execution plan not seen in ordinary marriage services.

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