Common Approaches to Porn - Happy Marriage Coaching

Common Approaches to Porn

Porn is often misunderstood. Many people think porn is just a behavior like going to the movies, watching football, or combing your hair. It leads to the worst advice anyone can give about porn. Porn is a lot more complex than most people think. In my comprehensive blog post called Porn - What You Need to Know, I present the findings from many years of research. In this article, I reveal the most common approaches couples take to address porn.

Porn Advice

What Wives Often Tell Their Husbands

I hear it from wives. Their husbands are watching porn, and they tell their husband to:

Just Stop!

THAT is the worst advice about porn.

The reason it is the worst advice is because it doesn't work, and it assumes porn is easy to quit. Read my article and you'll get a very different understanding about porn. Quitting cold-turkey rarely, if ever, works.

Porn is as complex as any drug addiction. If anyone had trouble quitting smoking, they know how hard it is to just stop. There are physical urges. There are triggers that bring on an intense desire to smoke. The same is true with porn. Instead of an addicting drug called nicotine, porn involves at least six (6) powerful brain chemicals including Oxytocin, Vasopressin, Norepinephrine, and Dopamine.

Just Stop - doesn't work. The brain chemicals are very powerful and challenging to overcome. 

There are really three problems regarding porn. Stopping the husband's addiction to porn is just the first problem to overcome. The second problem is the marriage itself. The husband started watching porn for a reason. Why? Many men explain their reason as being an escape from the hassles of marriage, or a serious need was not being met. If the core problem is not resolved, it can manifest itself in other ways including an affair. The third and most often overlooked problem with porn is the emotional damage done to the wife. When a wife discovers her husband watching porn, it is a serious blow to her self-esteem, dignity, and need for certainty. Even when he stops his porn addiction, the wife is often left to deal with her emotions all by herself. It doesn't work. Her anger can come out at any time, and her sour feelings towards her husband can last many years after he recovers, if left untreated.

The bottom line is that the porn has to be addressed, the marriage has to be addressed, and the wife needs a healing. If any of these three are not handled properly, the marriage could be looking at divorce. Fifty-six percent of divorce cases cite porn as a major reason for the divorce. Add to that the average cost of a contested divorce is $15,500, the consequences of porn could be emotionally draining and costly.

Common Action to Many Marriage Issues

The most common action couples take when faced with marriage issues, including porn, leads to a near 50% divorce rate and over 40% of couples reported as "unhappy." That is the reality we face today. It's not working. What is this action?

When faced with a marriage issue, most couples immediate instinct is to turn to... counseling.

To be clear, I do not have an issue with counseling or therapy when it comes to true personality disorders, or where drugs need to be prescribed.

The problem is that the instinctual action couples take when faced with marriage issues is often not the best action to resolve marriage problems, especially porn. It has been instinctual because for so long counseling or family therapy has been the only course of action available. Today, it is not.

As with most problems, once discovered, new solutions are created. Welcome to marriage coaching. With the introduction of marriage coaching, many counselors are now incorporating coaching best practices into their their counseling practices.

What is the difference between coaching and counseling? Please see my post called Marriage Coaching Versus Counseling.

Porn Can Be A Blessing In Disguise

That may sound odd, but in the 3rd article in this 3-part series, I explain how porn can be a true blessing in disguise. Please read this article now. 

In that article you will learn how catching your husband watching porn can really be a blessing in disguise. You will learn what new opportunities you have now, and what to do next.


Or, if you are ready to apply now:

Break Free from Porn
and Reignite the Love in Your Marriage!

The Break Free from Porn Coaching Program is by application only.

Both husband and wife need to complete the application form individually.

Spread the Word!
Mark Jala
 

Mark Jala is a certified marriage coach, researcher, and consumer advocate. Mark bases all of his strategies and programs on verifiable research from top marriage experts. Certified in strategic interventions, Mark's holistic approach to marriage coaching gets to the root of problems, assuring long-term success.

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