What if it was Your Job to Create a Happy Marriage?

What if it was Your Job to Create a Happy Marriage?

If your job was to create a happy marriage, how would your boss rate your performance? While we often put in a full day of work, we come home to relax. We put our guard down. We think we are safe now from scrutiny and pressure. We treat our home time differently than our work time. What if the job didn’t end when our full or part time jobs ended? What if it were our job to come home and create a happy marriage? How would that change your thinking how you treat your spouse?

Job Happy Marriage

The idea for this post came this afternoon when pondering the last episode of season 1 of the NBC show The Blacklist. James Spader is awesome in this show. Any time he opens his mouth it’s a real treat. In season 1, the lead female character, Elizabeth, finds out that her husband of 2 years is really a spy. It turns out it was his job to seduce her, get her to fall in love with him, get married, and use her for some nefarious reason. It worked very well, for a while.

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I was thinking about what would go through his mind to make her fall in love with him. It was his job. Just like the job you have, he started each day thinking how he can have a successful day at work. He would have to think about what would make her happy. He would have to do the things that would make her happy. He would have to know and be very aware of her likes, dislikes, interests and passions. He would have to take action on those things he discovered about her.

The Blacklist

A Job to Create a Happy Marriage

There are all kinds of jobs. Some jobs are very rewarding and others are, well, not so enjoyable. As I write this, the top lists for 2014 are starting to come out. For example, some of the least rewarding jobs are bank teller, cashier, garbage collector, flight attendant, and taxi driver. In these cases, pay is not very good, it can be dirty, or the people you would have to work with can be nasty. On the other hand, some of the most rewarding jobs in 2014 are said to be a software developer, systems analyst, pharmacist, physical therapist, and civil engineer. In these cases, which requires significant education, the pay is better and the people you would work with are more professional or desiring your services.

For the matter of this post, lets say the job of creating a happy marriage is equal to that of a really good job!

What Happens on a Good Job

Let’s consider for a moment what life is like with a good job.

  • You work in a cooperative spirit with your teammates
  • You get training
  • You may have to work overtime on occasion
  • Your performance is assessed throughout the year
  • You have to do duties you may not like
  • There are good benefits
  • The job is rewarding, you feel significant about what you do
  • The job gives you a feeling of contribution towards a worthwhile goal

What Happens in a Happy Marriage

There is ample research and libraries full of books that reveal how to create a happy marriage. The top marriage experts featured on this site have produced plenty of free and paid materials on the topic. Here is what they say happens in a happy marriage.

  • You work in a cooperative spirit with your partner
  • You need to get the training necessary to learn how to be a good spouse
  • You may have to work hard on the marriage on occasion
  • You need to assess the state of the marriage with your partner throughout the year
  • You have to do duties you may not like
  • There are good benefits
  • The marriage is rewarding, you feel significant about what you do
  • The marriage gives you a feeling of contribution towards a worthwhile goal

 Your Job in a Happy Marriage

It isn’t a crazy notion to think of your marriage as a job. In a job, there are times when you have to be very attentive and aware of what is going on, and other times you can relax. In a happy marriage, you also have times when you have to be very attentive and aware of how your partner feels, and there are times when you can relax.

Too often we come home from work and relax all the time.

Too often we come home from work and do not pay attention to the needs of our spouse.

Too often we come home from work and think only about ourselves.

In a job we have a responsibility to perform certain duties. In a happy marriage, we also have responsibilities to perform certain duties. A slight change in thinking can make a huge difference in a marriage. What would it take for you to start thinking of your marriage as a good job?

Here’s the final question to you. If you were to get a performance review for your part in your marriage, how would you do? (The score doesn’t come from you. It comes from your spouse!)

 

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Mark Jala
 

Mark Jala is a certified marriage coach, researcher, and consumer advocate. Mark bases all of his strategies and programs on verifiable research from top marriage experts. Certified in strategic interventions, Mark's holistic approach to marriage coaching gets to the root of problems, reducing the chance issues can resurface..

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